Waiting for Bauer

Is kind of like waiting for Godot, only without the bus stop benches i have seen in many productions.  My stop is on 5th right in front of the Pickwick Hotel and co exists with Muni 27. There is a line up along the wall not quite those just waiting for mug shots. At this time in morning most are staff; at least i am assuming so since I am now starting to recognize faces. To be noted, Bauer never came. It is 1 Feb and the contract changed resulting in a crowded bus and disgruntled people. I am not taking this as an omen.   

My mood is better now than it was in those dark desperation hours of pre-dawn when you can only focus on the monsters. Waking with a migraine just put the icing on the cake. Crawling out of bed and avoiding all the traps lying in wait for my bare feet, I managed to find and take my meds. I crawled back in bed comforted by the knowledge that I still had three hours before my alarm was due to shriek.

All I can say about today was that there was a lot of IV fluids involved with getting this particular regime, especially when you run in a couple of extra bags to insure adequate hydration. I spent most of the day either chatting or knitting

and managed over 1/2 a hat.

in the six hours it took to get everything in. And run to the loo. Can’t forget that side effect of fluids. And the dance with the IV pole (unplug, wrap cord, get out from between chairs, waltz across the floor, pop over the sill – then deal with the reserve on the way back to my lounger) interrupted me on an increasingly frequent basis.  George rescued me at the end and took me home.

Now, I am no longer looking at this as a nightmare? I have decided it will be a new adventure. My life will be different than before. Perhaps a bit more like sky diving where, once you have committed yourself, it is a bit late to say you have changed your mind as you are falling away from the plane..  But I have confidence in the parachute provided by SFVA the nursing staff, family, and friends.




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About Holly

fiber person - knitter, spinner, weaver who spent 33 years being a military officer to fund the above. And home. And family. Sewing and quilting projects are also in the stash. After living again in Heidelberg after retiring (finally) from the U.S. Army May 2011, we moved to the US ~ Dec 2015. Something about being over 65 and access to health care. It also might have had to do with finding a buyer for our house. Allegedly this will provide me a home base in the same country as our four adult children, all of whom I adore, so that I can drive them totally insane. Considerations of time to knit down the stash…(right, and if you believe that…) and spin and .... There is now actually enough time to do a bit of consulting, editing. Even more amazing - we have only one household again. As long as everyone understands that I still, 40 years into our marriage, don't do kitchens or bathrooms. For that matter, not being a golden retriever, I don't do slippers or newspapers either. I don’t miss either the military or full-time clinical practice. Limiting my public health/travel med/consulting and lecturing to “when I feel like it” has let me happily spend my pension cruising, stash enhancing (oops), arguing with the DH about where we are going to travel next and book buying. Life is good!
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23 Responses to Waiting for Bauer

  1. Kathy says:

    Glad you are taking prophy meds!

    • Holly Doyne says:

      As much as I hate taking meds – nausea, especially uncontrolled is so much worse. Figuring on getting as much done as I can before the post-prednisone crash occurs…

  2. Ruth says:

    Sounds like a good attitude for a less than ideal situation. Perhaps the cruise worked wonders?
    Is that a sock I see?

    • Holly says:

      Hat – Exeter off Ravelry. I would feel really badly for any one with a leg that thick. Might make a simple cowl with the left overs…

  3. Mark says:

    Interesting analogy with skydiving. Are you hearing the wind whistling past your ears ;-).

    • Holly says:

      Not yet, but I am not hearing angel’s wings or a heavenly choir either so I think I am safe. Oh – wait a minute – wrong queue!

  4. Mitch says:

    Predisone is wicked stuff.

  5. Alison says:

    Love the hat. Love that you’re keeping us posted—thank you.

  6. Angela says:

    Constantly thinking of you.

    Are they thinking this treatment will shrink the tumors and eventually render them operable?

    I’m simply amazed at your energy.

    • Holly says:

      Nah – surgery is never going to be a possibility due to location. Major blood vessels (think aorta and vena cava) are best left alone.

      we will see how much energy I really have when the Prednisone wears off…

  7. Margo says:

    Hope things are going well. Glad you got in a cruise, which sounded like a nice break from being a patient.

    Goes without saying that I hope that the treatment is doing its job and that you will have some very positive results.

  8. Mary says:

    Thinking of you alot and sending positive energy your way. Glad you made it thru the first day…great that you didn’t have to do it on Ground Hog Day!

    You certainly seem to be dealing with the stress of it all very well. I am heartened to know that so many members of your family are around you and can lend support and strength.

  9. Vicki says:

    Just know prayers are continuing for you

  10. rg says:

    Adventure it is! Might as well treat it as such. You’ll have stories to share for years. The Hubz and I decided many years ago that, as long as you weren’t desperately ill, every thing was an adventure. Not the easy peasy stuff, but all the weird, uncomfortable, sometimes nasty stuff was an adventure. Gives you a sense of control over the uncontrollable. I don’t know why it works, but it does.

    I hope you are home and comfy and knitting and stitching.

  11. Donna says:

    Keep that positive attitude Holly, thinking of you and praying for you daily

  12. Carmen says:

    How are you today?
    Exeter hat?

  13. Pat K says:

    and avoids the “really depressed because you know all the worse case scenarios. “

  14. Bill R says:

    You are in my prayers. ..

  15. Lynne says:

    Reframing is the key!
    In the end it will be good.
    If it’s not good, it’s not the end.

  16. Ann & Ira says:

    Best wishes on the next phase of your treatment. It’s always darkest before the dawn they say.

  17. Pat says:

    As not unexpected from you, a powerful and insightful piece of writing. Thank you for sharing both monsters and faith.

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