This episode is brought to you by anxiety and nervousness layered with a bit of fear. Similar, I expect, to jumping off a cliff into deep water. No lifeline, parachute or bungee cord in evidence. And absolutely no guarantee of a safe landing. The landing will occur, trust me on that, but I don’t have a lot of confidence that I can stick this one for an Olympic 10/10 point landing.
There is also a certain knowledge in my head that this is a one way trip. There is absolutely no chance to change one’s mind once off the cliff face; no second chances or second guessing. No do-overs. It doesn’t help that I know I need to jump, it is only a question of what I am wearing, what comes with and whose advice I am taking preparation.
This morning, standing at the shuttle bus stop, the coffee George brought me slid warm and welcome down my throat. Certainly taking BART and the shuttle bus turned out to be much better and less nerve racking than facing the driver through heavy traffic and across the Bay Bridge prior to driving to the far side of the peninsula. The VA is very near the Presidio which makes it not at all close to routine, convenient public transit. Google yesterday might just have had the right idea. Head north, go over the bridge toward Marin, south on 101 and across the Golden Gate. Might have been worth paying tolls for two bridges.
Since I have arrived early I get a lot of waiting time. Enough time to finish the body of a hat, read a book and play more than one computer game. George waited with me for the balance of the morning and most of the afternoon. The bed (the only private room on the ward) opened up just after I had a line put in and then I spent time for the balance of the afternoon with various staff dropping through.
Lift off was 1845 for 12 hours of immunotherapy preceded by those life preservers which help (benedryl, allopurinal, tylenol and some solumedrol). Everyone has been amazingly tolerant. When you have no control over somethings, then what is left takes a bigger brunt of the free floating stress. Also, having wifi is great, especially since I remember the era of “no phones allowed in the hospital.”