yes, sounds a lot like whining

It’s been a quiet day punctuated by the occasional yelling fit on the part of yours truly. I have to remind myself that not everyone has my priorities. The current hissy fits are related to items that I requested of various family members over a week ago that have still not be done. I can’t say “not completed” because of them, although simple, just were forgotten. I read that as blown off. Acknowledging that what I really meant was “tasked D to do this and N to do that and G to never, ever leave me with a car running on fumes….”

But hey, I’m not in the army. I’m not the drill sergeant, I don’t get to task. I’m just the mom and would really like to have some of the projects that have been underway for a while completed. Not to hard to ask, right? Reasonable? Of course I am. All I want is 1) an acknowledge that the mission has been accepted 2) a time frame in which it will be accomplished 3) the %*&^%*&^ thing actually done. Most of the items are simple: move a couple of things, clean up the kitchen, fill the car with gas, empty the dishwasher. And it is never the same person…. I’m feeling like it is all of them. I’m also reminding myself that it is more than reasonable to thank household members for completing boring, routine tasks. Everyone deserves thanks. But weeks late? I’m working on it.

Believe it or not, I am being up front with the stressed card. Not the guilt card, mind you. Just saying that I am stressed and need peace, quiet and order around me so that I can better handle these next three or so weeks. Alex took Gwen along when he left this afternoon for a week with his family. They are safe and sound now in New York.

There is a trip to Martinez in on the morning’s horizon so am off to sleep early.

Comments

yes, sounds a lot like whining — 14 Comments

Alison on 2016-12-20 at 22:08 said:

It’s okay to be stressed. Insert knitter’s kitchenering joke here.

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Janet on 2016-12-21 at 00:12 said:

They need to respect your need for order in order to marshal your inner resources…

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- Holly Doyne on 2016-12-21 at 18:44 said:
  
  the dogs are easier – they understand person sitting down is there to pet them. They will pick up their toys. If I could get them to put them in a box or basket, that would be wonderful. Well, I can dream each family member a lovely puppy….
  
  I think it hard for the family to see me in another role. If I don’t insist on doing things my way (read DONE) then they will go their merry way. If I do make a fuss, I feel like (see whiny….. above). But the second gets me results. Now to on to behavior mod with a fall back of guilt.
  
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Anita Morgan on 2016-12-21 at 01:08 said:

I hear you, I hear you! Good luck on getting the household chores ‘taken care of’ without you needing to even ask… let me know the secret to winning on that one.

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- Holly on 2016-12-21 at 05:50 said:
  
  well, if I could figure it out and patent it….
  
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Ruth on 2016-12-21 at 05:33 said:

Yelling is good. Lets out some of the stress; those useless family members need to pamper their mom/wife/whatever. Or, better yet, you could go to a fancy hotel near the hospital and get a lovely room and service. Let George deal with the kids. You go and get a manicure, lovely hair cut, massage, shopping. It’s time to let the girly girl out and do the taking-care-of-myself thing. Even if you never get manicures, get one now. And a pedicure. And maybe new shoes and outfits?

Even better, go buy some gorgeous yarn and start a new project.

Piffle to pita family members. Oh and George, now that he’s recovering, needs to take you out for wonderful food.

Forget stoicism; time to be hedonistic. Probably goes against your armed forces training, but you are retired and can do whatever you like whenever you like. Yay, women power. Mom is feeling lousy; family better treat her like a queen.

Sounds good, doesn’t it? Whether you actually can get them to do the dishes, etc, etc, is another thing, but you can have a major meltdown and then stomp off and get that manicure.

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- Holly Doyne on 2016-12-21 at 06:35 said:
  
  Oh, thank you for the images! I can run away from home again. Now, if I could run away from all the lymphoma cells instead of trying to make them running screaming away from me it would be true happiness.
  I’m going for thinking family and a bit of learning for all of us.
  
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  - Ruth on 2016-12-21 at 19:20 said:
    
    Forget the invitation to the tumor cells; they don’t deserve such nice treatment. Kick ’em out! Oh, wait, that’s what you’re doing. Smart lady.
    
    So did the bad family folk mend their ways? If not, you could try guilting them. Might work.
    
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Bill R on 2016-12-21 at 06:59 said:

? ?

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Donna on 2016-12-21 at 07:45 said:

😀 Blessings, hugs and prayers…and I feel your pain about small chores and household members….Currently have a teenage granddaughter living with, who sleeps till noon, works nights, and is in between semesters….Think I’ll run the vacuum…lol

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Christian on 2016-12-21 at 12:36 said:

I hope your second therapy goes well!

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Margo on 2016-12-21 at 13:03 said:

Funny you should mentions that “as health care practitioners, no one ever really teaches us to deal with patients who question our expertise.” I have raised that precise issue with a number of people, including the Health Care Consumers Assn of which I am a member.

If patients and carers are being encouraged to be more health-literate, then clinicians will need to know how to deal with that. Our experience in dealing with various health care providers — in relation to ……. — has not been good.

Like many other patients and parents, I have been informing myself about these conditions pretty intensively, including reading peer-reviewed articles from medical journals and not just random stuff on the internet. 98% of clinicians seem to regard informed patients and carers as a threat and a challenge to the “me doctor – you patient” relationship. It is rare to find someone who welcomes information and informed questions.

Hang in there – you are doing great!

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Holly on 2016-12-21 at 14:07 said:

I will tell you from this side of the fence (provider) we all tell you that we appreciate knowledgable patients. That knowing the patient understands what we are saying. But inside, we really don’t want to be questioned. On the arrogant end, it is an insult. On the less sure of one’s self end, it leads to anxiety.

Training would be good.

For lawyers it might not be personal – don’t like my advice (insert shoulder shrug) – you are welcome to ignore it.

For health care providers – it is personal. Mostly it is about the patient not getting what WE think is the right care. And honestly, some patients are a challenge.

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Holly on 2016-12-21 at 18:46 said:

Hey, I can accept the sleeping in if she is working late. She is working. Not dirty dishes in the sink or scattered clothes…

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