Ladies, this morning on the train I discovered that there was something worse than a comb-over. Really, I am not kidding so rather than report that I took the train to Frankfurt Flughafen followed by a flight to Gatwick etc, etc etc I thought I would share the amazing sight.
In case anyone is missing the point of this particular discussion (not the travel, that is a given), there is a distressing tendency among men with a certain pattern of baldness to grow whatever hair they have left on either side and comb it over the top to the other side. Starting out as a small, perhaps discreet bit of cover-up, some of these attempts have evolved to the point where the ten hairs from behind the left ear are artfully wound up and over the shiny top and down toward the opposite ear somewhat resembling dead weeds.
Now a woman would not do this. She would resort to a scarf or a wig knowing that everyone around here would be observing and commenting at hard plastered to a dome top. Guys, on the other hand take those few orphan hairs, comb ’em over the top making sure to double check in the mirror and they are happy. They have hair! (You ever see a comb-over flapping in the breeze? Not a pretty sight at all….)
Since they are fooling themselves only, I fear there is a strong resemblance to the Bugblatter Beast*
Back to other options. This morning I was introduced to the comb forward. The young man in question appeared to be barely 30 so I can sympathize with the thought that he finds his impending baldness disconcerting. His hair is obviously and completely gone in the center back to the crown of his head. I watched him as he double checked his reflection in the train window. From the back and both sides he carefully combed his hair to the middle. Rather than looking elegant, this maneuver made him resemble a mangy squirrel getting ready to molt. However, he looked satisfied, took out his MP3 player and proceeded to snooze.
Guess I have not recovered completely from 33 years association with the military. I understand short hair. Head gear on and off all day makes even the idea of a comb over ridiculous. The standard male military option is cut it short or shave it off. Be bold – be bald.
But now, instead of pay it forward, I have comb it forward stuck in my head.
*(Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Making sure that you take your towel. When threatened by the beast, put the towel over your head. If you can’t see him, he thinks he can’t see you. Isn’t denial a wonderful thing?)