With the current fad of gluten free, it is honestly easy to find food to eat during Peasch. I am not putting down or questioning the reasonable percentage of those who have actually had a diagnosis of Celiac Disease made.  It is however a time of year when I have to seriously consider what I eat and how it is prepared.

My last couple of years have been different than the previous 26. Even deploying, I stuck to a vegetarian diet that included eggs and dairy but not meat in any form. Hint – if it had eyes I didn’t eat it. Now, you can make all the jokes you want about potatoes. I heard them all over the years as well as comments on the “white diet” which were those days when the various dining halls offered cauliflower, mashed potatoes and rice as the only items on the serving line which were warm and uncontaminated with beast du jour.

Part of my decisions during those years were religious, part on ethical grounds and mostly just for health reasons. But then I started cruising more and more. It was impossible to eat a healthy vegetarian diet on ship (enough protein) without more trouble than it was worth. Anything that came out of the deep fat fryer suffered from both intensive fat levels plus having shared a basket with all sorts of things that I just don’t eat nor want in the neighborhood. Kitchen prep on ships is good – no issues with separation of cutting boards and knives between meats and vegetable products. But trying feel comfortable about eating any thing that came off a grill in the morning? Am I really sure that there were no pork products around the pancakes or french toast? How about those scrambled eggs? Are they powdered or real? And a diet of hard boiled eggs, yogurt and oatmeal gets to be extremely boring even when augmented with fruits, veggies and salad when eaten three times a day.

Fish was the first compromise. It happened over Passover a few years ago. If you don’t want any grain products, no meat, no fish this leaves you with fruit, some veggies and hard boiled eggs for eight days. Even I am not that stubborn!

Smoked salmon at breakfast. Protein – check. Fresh fruit – check. Yogurt? Dairy & calcium – check. It seemed to be a bit smarter. No treif, but a greater variety of choices off the menu.  I had to admit to myself that I was enjoying the variety of foods as the days and months started rolling along.

And then it gets to Passover again. I still don’t eat treif during Pesach, but will eat meats from the cloven hoof and chews a cud club. Not dairy and meat together, that is still a step too far for me. Which left me with an interesting dilemma last night after finishing in the gym. It was well after 2100. I hadn’t paid any attention to the closing time in the Windjammer which turns out to be 1800-2030. The main dining room final seating was 2000 and My Time was 2045. Chops and Izumi both stop seating at 2100. Did I mention that I was still in gym clothes which for me leaves out the option of eating anywhere other than Park Cafe in the Solarium.

The Cafe is open for late snacks from 2030 to midnight. It is still Passover. They have wraps (tortillas)  on offer along with panninni all of which are already made. There is pizza and there are burgers. What kind of meat is in the burger? No clue. Beef only? Can’t tell me that for sure. Next to the bin of burgers are buns (not an option) onion, tomato and lettuce along with plastic cheese slices. and a pot of lentil soup. What is the broth for the lentil soup? Vegetarian? Shoulder shrug.

Did you know that room service is quite good? They can provide a steak sandwich without the bread, a salad without dressing or croutons and some veggies and there is no delivery surcharge till after midnight.

Now my only real question becomes…… Do I save the two small squares of cheese cake on the nibbles plate from the kitchen since the chocolate covered strawberries were inhaled immediately. Or do I be a good kid and just get them out of the room since it isn’t sundown yet…….If I cover them up, it should be ok, right?

Whether I attended them or not, all the cruise lines seem to have a slot in the Friday night schedule for self-led services. Occasionally I would be known to drop in, or not as the mood struck. Over major holidays the ships on which I have traveled have made more than a slight effort. (some engaging the services of a cantor or rabbi over the High Holidays) or supporting organized celebrations for Hanukah (somehow a more understandable holiday to the Christian world although of minor importance to most of us on this side of the fence).

But I realized the other morning when I made the mistake of heading early to the Sky lounges ad stumbled into quavery voices raised in off-key hymns that I hadn’t noticed an option on this ship. In fact not for Jewish or Catholic services. Protestant services – there always seems to be a minister, pastor or preachers lurking among the passengers. But the lack options for me or many others was clear once I went looking.

Carmen and I noticed last June on the Constellation that they did not offer Mass. Since we were in a port on Sunday morning and one of the Cathedrals had a Mass who’s time worked there wasn’t as much issue for her in Bergen as there could have been. I am vaguely remembering there might have been an opportunity to attend Friday evening services but didn’t take advantage.  I don’t think there was that option on the Eclipse out of Southhampton and there is certainly nothing on the Solstice. Even Costa with it’s idiocy of scheduling the life boat drill at the same time as Friday night services (2012 out of Singapore) wasn’t this oblivious.

In case you frequent cruisers are wondering – the community bulletin board on this ship is not passenger friendly. If you want something posted, you have to find a member of the Cruise Director’s staff or the event coordinator. If they agree that what you want posted would be of interest to “enough passengers” then they will make up a sign and post it. Nothing (other than Bill W) will make the daily program. Just their policy, don’t argue with us, there is nothing we can (or want) to do.

WHich takes me back to my original assertion. The reason there was a Protestant service on Sunday morning was that someone went  to the staff and requested that they be able to run it along with enough pressure from others on the ship who wanted to attend that it would have been fairly uncomfortable for the staff to turn them down. However since the Cruise Critic meeting was already scheduled at 0945 in the Sky Lounge they were  provided an earlier time than requested with a take it or leave it attitude. I made an initial inquiry about other services and then dropped it as it was obviously not something the staff had heard often before nor did they seem at all interested.

Perhaps “Modern Luxury” means being “modern” in everything and eschewing support for what are assumed to be traditional passenger activities on the ship. Being modern means that Friends of Bill W get a nod, right along with unlimited drinks packages. The staff had difficulty understanding why a meeting place at one of the bars out in public was not an appropriate location.  It means an interesting selection of music (most of which is actively detested by the demographic on board) in all the lounges whether desired or not. It means furniture appropriate for 20s-40s creating challenges for the over 50 & overwieghts who become trapped in the chairs and couches.

There is no chapel on the ship, but the Captain does have the power to perform weddings which just leaves me wondering. This apparently is a cruise line for people who like comfort, style and a nod toward tradition (Tea in the Afternoon) while avoiding the uncomfortable issues of religion, discrimination or politics.

While their advertisements state that Kosher/Hallel meals are available in reality the labeling on the menus or in the Oceanview Cafe is woefully inadequate.  I have no clue why a chef would think that topping Halibut with a strip of crispy bacon was a good idea but there it was lying dead and nasty on top of my fish. It certainly wasn’t on the menu, mentioned by the waitstaff or something I would expect in a restaurant devoted to modern healthy cooking. The serving line personnel in most locations did not know which oils or fats were used for food preparation. Gluten they know, just because of the current fad but on most other issues (to include nuts and seafood) they were clueless.

So all of this might explain why I haven’t seen too many Jews on Celebrity as compared to Royal although both have the same parent corporation.  I think it also might apply to Catholics if they want a line that insures there is a Priests on long repositioning cruises.  Or maybe I am reacting to a slight undertone of distain for passengers that I have picked up across the board on this ship. Sincere efforts are made to insure passengers are getting what they want – not because it makes sense or is great customer service but in an effort to avoid complaints.

The difference is subtle but clear.  My message is less subtle – not rebooking on this ship and likely not on Celebrity again beyond those itineraries on which there are no other viable choices.