Category Archives: family

Another Rose

Holly Doyne Posted on by 3

It was a few years after WWII, but the industrial area in Richmond where the major shipyards were located gradually started undergoing a transformation. As the post-war period no longer needed ships, other manufacturing took over for a while. And then, for years, the area went to seed. Undergoing a renaissance in the last decade, there is now a ferry terminal for those San Francisco bound with that rare offer of FREE parking. Columbia has taken over a major portion of one of the old buildings and runs a significant operation including their “employees warehouse/discount” store. To which others (trust me) can receive an invitation. About 2 years ago, they extended the courtesy to all with a military ID, including retirees. With prices running 40-60% of retail on Columbia, Mountain Hardware, and now Praha – if you need one of their products, it is worth the drive. This area is also now home to the Rosie The Riveter Museum.

Where was I? Oh, yes, heading into Craneway Pavillion – which was hosting this year’s holiday craft market. This is not your ladies auxiliary market. There are no hand crocheted toilet box covers, nor did I spot anything even remotely plastic or disposable. But if someone is shopping for artisan wares – this would be the place to go.

We spent a couple of hours wandering through about 200 vendors. There was nothing I needed, and surprisingly little that I wanted.

This followed me home (purchased by Dani since she remembered that once upon a time….)

coffee mug

. This mug was made by another Rose with a studio in Oakland. The cat was because, when first starting out, she shared a house with a fluctuating number of others, usually about 10. And, there was a cat in about every room. I gave her the “clowder of cats” but forgot the alternative (a glaring of cats) when I had stopped by her display earlier to admire the bowls. She said that the two siamese were the only ones which were distinctive out of that “bunch of cats.” It was a number of years before she headed out on her own, catless, but still uses the image.

From there, it was off to coffee and back to the house. It has been a quiet evening.

I wish you all joy and freedom.

First Night

A late celebration

Holly Doyne Posted on by  

Her birthday actually was Wednesday. Dani works at a location which does a huge amount of business over the December holidays. Which meant long days at the warehouse. She was returning home so exhausted that getting time with her dogs and the occasional meal was a real stretch. By her request, we put off her birthday dinner till tonight.

Our family tradition has been to go out for dinner to the restaurant of the birthday person’s choice. Given that we lived in Europe for decades, some of the more horrible, child friendly US locations were never an option. This year, with George still in that 100 day home restriction post stem cell transplant, I ordered in. After careful perusal of the menu, I found something that was reasonably safe to order for him (yes, take-away is also on the banned list. Unfortunately,  most packed with preservatives is completely safe, so is cooking at home, but not leftovers).

Her choice was Korean from one of the places on Solano Avenue (Bowl’d). I hadn’t eaten then, but am quite likely to do that in the future.

It is hard to figure out what to give adult children; an Amazon gift card just seems so impersonal. At the same time, it let her pick what she wanted. And she did. Noah and I also make a bookstore and paper store run so she had some presents to open (books are always good, and magazines, and coloring books). I actually think that the Bob’s Burgers Cookbook and the Dark Crystal (Jim Henson’s Muppet original) color book were her favorites.

We ate an overwhelming amount of food and still had enough left overs for meals tomorrow. I didn’t take pictures or bake a cake. Instead, I selected a number of individual tortes at Masse’s Pasteries. [And no, I have no clue as to why my browser gave me some kind of security warning. I have been gettin a lot of those lately, none of which have been valid.]

On the fiber side, I decided against knitting a third “Cal Colors” hat and started turning the yarn into a narrow scarf while watching a heart-breaking loss of the Cal Women’s Basketball team. I think they are still working through the changes that have come with a new coach as well as not always having the skills to deal with a really aggressive opponent that barely skirted the boundaries of good-sportsmanship play.

The Case of the Empty Cookie Jar is finished. It still needs to be washed, pressed, and framed. Since it is one of a set, I may delay the finishing until the second one is done so that they match.

Since my choices were clean, organize, sort–you get the idea–or find a short project, I started a Thea Gouverneur sampler featuring the essential food group of chocolate. I had purchased it Amazon and have the matching 2 – Coffee and Tea on order.
 

Hair Length

Holly Doyne Posted on by 8

There was, what I charitably will presume was a well meaning woman about a year ago who made a comment about my shorter hair making me look much younger. I blew it off at the time rather than get into a discussion but there are just so many things wrong with that statement. The first is that I want to look younger than I am. Considering the source (my age with obviously bleach blond hair) such things are quite important to her.

It isn’t to me. Appearing younger is what I can do in my head as long as I don’t look in the mirror. But mirrors lie – after all – everything is reversed so why not sneak in a bit of aging change? Mirror, Mirror on the Wall and all of that. The same reason applies for why I don’t add hair color to cover my grey. I have earned those gray hairs. And, since they have grown back following chemo – every single last one of them is precious to me.

Part of what triggered off this chain of thought was George making the remark this morning that he was finally feeling hair bristling on his head. The chemo that they use for stem cell transplants for some reason has a much more devastating affect on hair follicles than the R-CHOP that was inflicted on me. I had hair starting back within about three weeks after my last dose of chemo and was willing to wander around without a scarf on my head by the time we took our Phoenix cruise to Iceland & Greenland in Aug/Sept of 2017. OTOH, my hair departed my head, covered my pillow and clogged the drain within 10 days of the first course of chemo. It was actually a when George was leaving the hospital–so 4-5 weeks later–when all of his exited stage left.

What the (hopefully) well meaning woman also didn’t get is that I really, really don’t like hair around my face. Not after spending 30 years in uniform where my choices were short or long and pulled back. Short takes a lot of care. Taking the time to get a trim every 3-6 weeks is just nuts, at least for me. For others, it is how they think of themselves. But there is absolutely nothing easier for me than grabbing a scrunchie and I am done. Out of the way, least likely to pull out or damage hair and easy to remove.

Also in the back of my mind is every old, blue haired lady that I ever saw. They had short hair, often permed. I am so not interested in turning into one of them. Accepting the “as you get older your hair should be shorter” idea that society seems to place on aging white women. I am not familiar enough with other cultures to be sure that it is the same. But at least in the SF Asian community, that seems to be the case. At the same time – mixed grey and brown hair straggling around one’s face isn’t terribly attractive either. And yesterday, when I was in the check-out lane at Costco (long, long story) I noticed that on the woman ahead of me in line. And when my first thought was – she is too old to wear her hair that way – I realized, that I too, might well have drunk the koolaide.

Examining one’s attitudes isn’t always that fun. But it might actually result in an improvement in behavior. And it certainly would have kept me from thinking–Old? You, who are bleached blond and wearing too tight clothes designed for someone in their teens is commenting on my appearance?

Two down, one to go

Holly Doyne Posted on by 2

Yes! I have turned in 2/3 papers that having been hanging over my head since last spring semester.  It wasn’t that I couldn’t do them. Rather it was more a matter of getting some unbroken blocks of time in which to sit down, concentrate, think about what I was trying to accomplish, then generating words in document that met the format of what was required.

I can’t say that it was difficult. Tedious? Unquestionably. Boring? Not really, other than the fact that I obviously have no love for precise US grammar, punctuation, US spellings, or all of that other nonsense that is required when producing documents for official grading. That–and I absolutely LOATH Word (yes, the Microsoft Program). I can deal with Paper (Mac), Open Office, and grew up on Word Perfect. But Word? Nothing intuitive about that program. And trying to permanently get rid of all the tracked changes? Gocod luck with that as they seem to magically re-appear.

I rewarded myself with cross-stitch time since the nice long walk I had planned had to be put on hold due to all of George’s conference calls. By the time he was finally off the phone, it was dark. Since we don’t have enough reflective vests to go around – walking around our area which is lacking in sufficient street lighting is not a really great idea.

19 Nov 2019. 538 today. 4924/24354

Monday update

Holly Doyne Posted on by 4

It would have been the usual drive into UCSF had not someone decided (planned or otherwise) to have a major accident along our route to the Bay Bridge. Traffic had been at a crawl for more than two hours when, rather than enter the freeway through the car pool entrance from University Avenue I decided to buzz along the frontage road on the bay side. It was better until the entrance at Powell street which was still a crawl.

Once actually  in the HOV access road in the maze approach, everything picked up and we sailed along till the Civic Center exit (where our ride-share passengers wanted to exit to Harrison Street). I didn’t see anything around there, but George says that it is now a good location for new tech start-ups.

The UCSF visit went well! Lab is all good. His platelets continue to creep up and his red cell count is stable (since RBC’s turn over ~ every 120 days, it means that he is making his own). We are due back on Friday, then Monday and perhaps then weekly.

I really should have gotten back at those papers, but instead spent the afternoon stitching.

Yes, I am finding it almost meditative!

18 Nov 2019 – 641 today. 4336/24354

And better

Holly Doyne Posted on by  

We left home right before 0700, stopped at Peet’s for coffee, at NB Bart for a passenger and hit the road for UCSF. We were there, parked, checked in before 0800. Which meant we were out of there (lab draw, visit and all), on the road, and home via Acme Bakery by 1000.

What should be obvious is that everything is going extremely well. Blood count is stable, platelets continue to slowly climb, and George is gradually feeling more energetic.

Otherwise, I am rapidly becoming addicted to cross-stitch once again. Or rather, Ranald Spangler’s Dragonlings. After all, who could resist “The Mystery of the Empty Cookie Jar” by Dragatha Christie? It is only 65 stitches wide – but 373 long so it might take a while (90 colors and few blocks color).

All is well

Holly Doyne Posted on by 13

Seriously, this was the second outpatient visit at which George’s labs values continued to improve and let him avoid any transfusions (yes, Steven, George doesn’t need those platelets you donated on Saturday, but I am sure that there is someone else you are helping keep alive).Platelets are the critical indicator. In all of us “normal” people platelets turn over rapidly. Shelf life in the blood bank is maximum of five days (of which one day is probably lost to processing and another to transport). Packed red blood cells are good for almost 30 days.

But today, as on last Friday, he didn’t need any of that. It makes for a pleasant, much shorter stay and a chance to get back over the Bay Bridge before the traffic really begins to suck.

I headed to UC Berkeley School of Public Health late in the afternoon. The program marked the 35th Anniversary of their Wellness Letter. The nominal fee collected from subscribers has funded scholarships. Meanwhile, Miriam and George took a walk, ending at the Rose Garden just in time to see the sunset.

Worth the wait

Holly Doyne Posted on by 11

I always start the drive to UCSF with both fascination and dread. Fascination for what challenges will be on offer: from insane drivers totally senseless sludging of traffic to the death defying exploits of those totally crazy enough to drive motorcycles between lanes from frustrated individuals with a time limited destination in mind. The dread (not dead as my spell checker keeps wanting to insert) portion of my mental state comes from not knowing what we will find at our destination.

I mentioned that Miriam is in town which makes for a slightly shorter trip (although the stop at Peet’s has the added Chai for her) as we don’t have to stop at the North Berkeley ride share.

Today was well worth the drive and what seems like a forever wait while the lab does it’s fancy tests. No issues, no need for blood transfusion. Even better? It seems like the newly invested stem cells have turned to the task of settling in and are done arguing about who does what, why and where. Platelet production has apparently been deemed as appropriate as an acceptable task. This is the first time since early August  he has escaped without having a platelet transfusion.  A jump from 17 to 34 might not seem like a lot in the grand scheme of things. But considering the last time he had any increase was in June…..

Anyway, due to the Poppy wearing holiday being celebrated on Monday, his next visit is scheduled for Tuesday.

I had planned on heading over to UCHastings for a noon time seminar. But then, I had registered on the premise of both blood and platelet transfusions were likely to be in the offering. Instead, I sent mental apologies winging their way to the event organizers as we headed to the freeway and the road home.

Only Platelets

Holly Doyne Posted on by  

It wasn’t a difficult trip into San Francisco this morning. We have Miriam in town which means automatic access to the HOV lane without having to detour to the Ride Share at North Berkeley. I took that time spared and spent it on a run past the Berkeley Public Library to return three books before I had an overdue issue.

Parking at UCSF, the two of them headed up to the clinic while I took the N-Judah to Civic Center in an attempt to resolve some paperwork at UCHastings followed by sometime in the law library.

Returning to join them, it turned out George only needed platelets, so it was a much shorter stay in the infusion center than I initially thought. The time save, however was more than lost on the way home as the traffic was backed up to the freeway entrance. I absolutely detest San Francisco traffic. I don’t mind the trucks and delivery vehicles, they have a reason to be on the road. But all those cars with one person each, that idiot so busy chatting on their cell phone that they can’t responsibility drive? No, I don’t care for them at all….

A fist full of pills

Holly Doyne Posted on by 7

and more than once a day.

I will admit that I was thrilled to learn yesterday that it is time to back down on one of George’s meds. This decrease, then stopping the med will result in NINE (yes, nine) fewer capsules a day. Not an insignificant drop. At the same time, other than the absence of the bright, cheerful orange and blue, he will still be left with a lot of pills.

the most are in the morning

It falls to me, first thing in the morning, to set up the pill dispenser. After that, it is up to George to take his meds. Alarms from one’s phone can serve as great reminders. He has a bit more energy everyday. I have been having growing exhaustion. Today’s plan is for me to get some sleep!

Halloween

Holly Doyne Posted on by 5

Which wasn’t the first thing on my mind as we headed across the Bay Bridge to UCSF. After only one extra trip in, George is back on the Mon/Thurs twice a week visit schedule. Normally I really prefer morning appointments – driving over in the car pool lane and coming back before rush hour is ideal. We were not that lucky this week – the earliest available appointment was 1100 with the follow-on at 1430. As you can imagine, by the time we finished it was 1700 which means we didn’t get home till close to 1900 (ok, discount 20 minutes for a grocery store stop, but still).

In recent years, most clinical and retail locations have put strict guidelines on costumes in the work place. Admittedly, if common sense doesn’t prevail, you really don’t want anything that is going to scatter pieces, expose an excessive amount of skin or scare really young children.

The oncology/heme-transplant clinic at UCSF only deals with adults, and children (short, disease carriers) are specifically prohibited. Those facts didn’t change the costume guidelines, but the staff still managed to have a lot of fun.

I didn’t manage to get a picture of the skeleton, the jailbird with a chainsaw, or Trump in the orange jumpsuit with ball and chain. Waldo missed the photo opportunity –

but was spotted later

where in the world

In the morning

Holly Doyne Posted on by 25

Barring anything unforeseen – I get to take George home tomorrow. It means that we will be making every other day trips in for transfusions, but I figure that is well worth the hassle. For George? Different walls, own home, bed. But no order off the menu, newspaper delivered every morning, or being woken up two-three times a night for vital signs.

I think it is a good trade off.

We spoke today with both the pharmacist and the nursing educator. So other than anything else having to do with IV meds, I am hoping we can hit the road fairly early (or at least avoid evening rush hour…)

Migraine

Holly Doyne Posted on by 4

There is not much to talk about today. I never left Berkeley. For a short while I pretended that I was fine. But when I contemplated attempting to deal with a bus, traffic, people, etc I went ahead and acknowledged my limitations and took my meds and went back to bed.

George still had platelets in the double digits this morning, avoiding all need for transfusions. His docs are pleased. I may be able to spring him as early as Thurs. In any case, Will drive over in the morning so that I can pack up everything in preparation for heading home.

I can also bring along the supply of meds we have so as to prove to the pharmacy people that I am not kidding and have no intentions of repurchasing anything I already have on hand.

Yogurt

Holly Doyne Posted on by 1

There are serious limits on George’s diet right now. Processed foods are fine, prepackaged complete with preservatives and fixatives. But nothing fresh, nothing from outside that doesn’t fit into the above categories, and certainly nothing home made.

UCSF runs an a la carte menu for patients. Rather than trying to come up with multiple daily menus, balanced meals and pap that no one would possibly want to eat – they actually treat patients as adults and let them order anything they are allowed to have off the menu. Up to six times a day. The only limits actually being the times of day that the kitchen is open.

But they have breakfast all day, soups, snacks, pizza and entrees after 1100. There are options from more than just the standard middle America fare, the ice cream (available in vanilla or chocolate) is Hagen Das, the vegan shake option smells horrible.

Last spring, the pudding option became one of George’s favorite and I had to find a local source for the first couple of months home before the novelty wore off. The yogurt wasn’t to his liking. A couple of days ago, I noticed that the Peet’s I have been stopping at on the way in morning carries smallish containers of his favorite brand of yogurt. It is prepared. It comes in a sealed container. He is allowed to have it, along with canned vanilla lattes.

It is a nice change from bananas, crackers, and peanut butter in single serving containers.

 

Strider

a sneakily simple knitting pattern from Martina Behm – takes one skein of sock yarn and is all garter stitch.

Strider

Thursday already

Holly Doyne Posted on by 4

Kind of like time flying? Actually more like creeping along the ground a la inch worm. There isn’t much to distinguish days of the week for a hospital inpatient. The nurses here are on 12 hour shifts of which they work three in a row. So every three days there is a new nurse. Occasionally, George even sees one of them again. Since the nurses rotate between this floor (12Long) and 11 Long the total number of faces on the staff board is on the high side of 150.

Meanwhile, we wait. The routine seems to be fairly set on 1) visits by the oncologist; the hospitalist (who never come in together and I am not sure that they really communicate with each other) 2) the nurses 3) all the misc personnel from cleaning staff to laundry to trash emptying to food delivery 4) medications 5) various IVs from platelets to blood to antibiotics to electrolytes.

Making a round of the station (since walking off the station falls into the NO box) can be the highlight of the day since it is a different set of walls to stare at.

All of this makes me tired, just writing it. I am contemplating sleeping here tonight as I am just to tired to want to deal with the N-Judah….

Not my brightest move

Holly Doyne Posted on by

It was after sundown and I was contemplating food and drink. As part of this thought, I decided it was time to head toward sleep. That and there was this bag of laundry. As I reached to put on my quilted vest, the light bulb went on. I didn’t have the vest. In fact, I had left it on the bed at home. No big deal, except for the fact that the keys were in the right hand pocket. No way to get into my friend’s house.

Checked in with Dani who checked, found the vest and verified that the missing keys were exactly where I thought they were. She agreed to pick me up at NB. Originally my plan was to just stay at home. But that would have involved getting up at really dark:30 to be dropped back at BART. And either staying up tonight or getting up even earlier to deal with laundry.

In stead, she very kindly brought me the vest (complete with keys) and headed back home. I dashed back into NB station in time to just miss the outbound train. 18 minutes later, I boarded the Warm Springs bound train (the only one at this time of night headed in approximately the correct direction. Implied was a train change at MacArthur. No problem, only a few minutes wait. and wait. Then, apparently, we were also the connector train for SF bound passengers from Dublin/Pleasanton/Fremont/Warm Spring. So there we sat at 12th Street for 15-20 minutes waiting.

At this point, I am trying to decide if I am going to make it to Outer Sunset tonight, or sometime in the wee hours of the morning. We finally board the TWO connecting passengers and roll slowly to West Oakland, crawl through the tunnel and creak to a stop at Embarcadero. After dashing up the stairs, out the gate, through the turnstile to Muni – I see the N-Judah just closing its doors as I hit the platform.

Ok, why should I worry about another 18 minutes of delay. It is not like being stressed is going to make the trains arrive any sooner. Finally the time is up and I board. Oh, wonderful, this is one of the older trains without working signage. I know the route fairly well, but trying to figure out where we are once we leave the more densely packed stores is a bit of a challenge. The lights are just being turned out at the corner store (39th & Judah) which is my landmark for the 40th street stop.

Jessica’s cat, of course, was not at all grateful that I had made the effort to get back to her. Clean water, clean box, fresh food? None of it counted as she whined and grumbled at me from her favorite hiding place beneath the bed. After all, she was expecting service long before 2300. Tossing the clothes in the washing machine, I remembered to take out the trash bins before collapsing.

Drip, Drip, Drip

Holly Doyne Posted on by  

(reprise)

Actually, when I think about it, watching paint dry might just provide a bit more satisfaction than watching IVs. When the paint is dry, that bit of the renovation is complete and you can move on to a new room. In the case of IVs – one is simply replaced by the next in line, and the next, and the one after that. Whether it is blood, platelets, calcium, magnesium, potassium, immune suppression drugs, antibiotics or solution-du-jour – the little boxes attached to the IV pole modulate the flow and seem to announce a change rather loudly. That change, completion or “air-in-the-line” of course is most likely to happen in the few minutes between interruptions that might possibly have been intended for a nap.

Otherwise – this is D+11. Things are proceeding. At least we think they are. No signs of rejection in either direction, but no real sign of some of those millions of stem cells settling in and setting up housekeeping either.
There is NPR, and the baseball playoffs (such that they are) and the occasional phone call/email to keep George entertained. I think he is beyond the worst of lousy feeling secondary to both the chemo and radiation. No clue how much longer he will be here as an inpatient, all depends on when those stem cells settle in and start producing.

Oh, yah, blogs

Holly Doyne Posted on by 2

What is probably fairly obvious at this point is that I have both a lot on my mind and a limited ability to accomplish anything worth while.

Worthwhile being rather liberally defined as a few rows of knitting, some laundry, CME, a phone call or three, a hour out of an audio book. I am not making any claims about being efficient about the use of my time or being particularly inclined to communications.

And I can most sincerely confirm what all of us, if we don’t know it from personal experience have long presumed – hospitals are not a place to get any rest, nor are they a location from where anyone, patient or family, can expect to accomplish much of anything during a fairly long day. Interruptions, I swear, are timed so that it is impossible to maintain any kind of task focus.

The nurses, well that one is obvious, as are the various doctors (can’t have just one – no – it needs to be several from different services). But then there are the dietician staff, the nutrition staff, the pharmacy staff, laundry staff, cleaning staff, waste basket emptying staff, sharps container changing staff….. you get the idea.

I am exhausted just writing out the list. But, over all, George is stable. So it now it is just a waiting game.

Slipping past

Holly Doyne Posted on by 2

Most years I tell everyone to completely blow off my birthday. This year, with everything else going on – I didn’t even have to bother going that far. The very basics of spending hours at UCSF, deciding if I am going to get off Muni at the Peets located at Carl & Cole followed by a hike up a rather large hill (this is San Francisco – there is ALWAYS a hill) vs. just bail off at UCSF and buy my latte at the hospital coffee shop. They also serve Peet’s, but it isn’t in the app network. Small, measly little point, but occasionally getting a free beverage from my favorite coffee shop seems like a nice reward.

Otherwise – right now I don’t see 69 as being any different than 68. There are more important things in my life than worrying (or celebrating) a few more grey hairs or a date that is relevant only to the DMV and passport office.

Yes, there are times in our lives when the whole world changes, tilts, spins off its axis in a fraction of a second to a new course that could be wonderful but more often devastating, creating a new reality. I will take this year instead hoping for small increments and nothing more than I can handle that hour.

In spite of themselves

Holly Doyne Posted on by 1

Clearing off the baseball stuff first. Thanks to the records of other teams – the As will host the American League Wild Card game on Wednesday. Which is good considering that they lost the last two games of the season to the Mariners. Especially watching them today, I am not sure that their heads were really in the game. Best I can say is that they weren’t shut out.

Now, due to the fact that Tampa Bay is from the East Coast, the start time needed to be modified so that all those poor Floridians don’t have to stay up too much past their bedtimes. Rather that our usual 1905 first pitch, the game will start at 1700 PDT. That is right – 5 0’clock in the afternoon. Seriously. Not an afternoon game, not an evening game but a weird time in between. Personally, I think it has to do with sales of ads on the TV broadcasts, but what do I know?

Looking at Stub Hub, the only quantity of tickets are either on Mount Davis (upper deck in outfield) or plaza deck in outfield. But there are people who seem to think that their tickets are worth multiple hundreds of $$$. I wish them luck. Especially since you can buy tickets for Mt Davis directly from the As for less than ½ the Stub Hub asks..

In more important news, George is stable. Absolutely exhausted but holding his own.

My plans to take Alex (son-in-law) out for brunch on his birthday were partly thwarted by PG&E (Pacific Gas & Electric) which treated us to a power outage this morning. Affecting a goodly portion of Berkeley, Albany, San Pablo Avenue, El Cerrito, Kensington etc, all the places we enjoy going to for breakfast were without power. = no coffee….

We wound up in Emeryville as the nearest location that had power.